( a worthwhile re-run)

I fully admit to plagiarizing, paraphrasing, and editing the following essay from the N.Y. Times. It was written by Michael Thompson, PhD, a best selling author of books about child rearing. “I went to visit a world last summer and re-discovered a fantastic place of family traditions. A world where people sit down and eat three meals together every day, serving their food from platters and talking with one another throughout the meal. A world where 15 year olds set the table and take all the dishes back to the kitchen without complaint; a world where 13 year olds don't play video games every night , nor do they watch TV or sit in front of computers. In this world I saw 11 year old girls walking together and holding hands as they walked back to their cabins- right out in the open. No girls there send mean instant messages to one another; they don't I.M. at all. Instead they sing. When they are making their beds( yes, they do that every day) and sweeping up, they sing together spontaneously with no adult leading them.They aren't even the most fantastic things I witnessed. I saw a world where 19 and 20 year olds spent hours of time swimming, diving, and playing ball with 11 year old boys and they all seemed to enjoy it equally. When play time is over they, the boys, hang out with the young adults and ask them questions. They also walked to dinner together, sometimes with smaller boys hugging and hanging on the bigger boys who don't tease them or seem annoyed. Even more amazing, at the end of each evening the 20 year olds sit with older adults and listen to them tell stories about their lives. The young ones aren't sarcastic or dismissive – they seem eager to learn from their elders, night after night. As you've probably guessed by now, it is a summer camp I am describing! It had been 40 years since I had last attended one myself, and I was struck by how rarely I see children engage in these activities anywhere else; not in school, not in neighborhoods, not in families. It made me wonder if summer camps are one of the last places that kids can learn so called “family values” that hard pressed families no longer have time to teach. “Fun and friends” are the two most important things that parents say they want their kids to get from camp. And though the children I saw were having fun, I don't think that was the core of the campers' psychological experience. From my viewpoint, three elements dominated the campers' days. They were living in a multigenerational community, they were following hallowed rituals that were universally respected, and they had a lot of downtime. The rituals started early with reveille; ritual surrounded every aspect of meal time including songs; and everyone, no     matter what their age, participated in and respected the camp traditions, right down to lights out at night. Despite what parents say, I don't think that families send their children to camp for just fun. They are sending them away to get something more fundamental. It may be painful for parents to confess that they send their children away to have some family life that they cannot provide at home. After all, there ca't be too many family dinners when you're driving your children to the 90 game schedule required of 13 year olds on the select travel teams; you can't have much of an evening ritual when children are watching TV, or are on the computer all the time; and there isn't much down time in a family where all the children are in music lessons, tutoring, martial arts, sports, SAT prep courses, etc., etc., etc. The only place a child from a high-pressure family can enjoy some peace and quiet is away from home .. at camp! Children don't develop because they are pushed and prodded; children don't develop because of town teams or because their parents went to a “good” college. Growing up is what kids do, because development is their biological and psychological imperative. It is the job of adults to create environments where they have the time, freedom, and safety to grow up at their own pace. At camp, I was struck by the fact that a summer camp seems to provide something that is in short supply in our fast paced worlds; respect for ritual, time for the generations to get to know something from each other, and of course the time to take a nap or read a comic book after lunch every day. I hope that camps will be able to maintain their traditions in the face of the frantic, competitive zeitgeist of modern America. I'm suddenly worried that they will all become specialized (and driven) learning camps, teaching Division 1 sports skills or computer skills. I hope not. I'm planning to go back next summer and do some singing. I don't seem to have time for it around my own house.